I continue to make comparisons between Baily and Eriko in my head. I never really knew why I picked up Bailey. Part of me says it was because she was so cute; another part says that I felt a need to provide and protect her, since nobody else offered; another part says that I was lonely and jealous of other’s companions. Bailey and I didn’t spend much time together during the beginning of our relationship.

I just arrived at work but I have to remember what I have learned this morning. Over the weekend I sent Eriko a torrent of email – essentially my thoughts and feelings at different points in time. For some reason I was feeling brave and talkative. I woke up this morning about 5:30 and the email response I received from her said “I don’t care what you think.” I laid back in my bed to consider this statement in between naps.

I still want to help Eriko out with her loan. Whether I like it or not, my nature is to be generous to those I care about; I am naive to assume that I cannot be taken advantage of – however, the right woman for me won’t take advantage. I can’t see into the future with a crystal ball. I can’t guarantee that if I help Eriko with her loan that will spend our lives together.

It is abundant today but I only see it in passing. I just read a very interesting article – a little over my head but it was fun to skim and I think I understand the main points. I am now at work, feeling relaxed and ready to hack. Especially since the laundry is almost done (needs to be folded) and I enjoyed pancakes and bacon for breakfast. =) Oh, and I didn’t leave my bed until 11.

I know that is has some interesting Catholic connotations but I am not indicating any of them here. I see the road ahead as difficult but attainable; I can easily be overwhelmed with gratitude as I feel the warmth in my heart, knowing that I don’t need to look anywhere to feel love; although I feel the pain and weariness of my tasks ahead I have a strong sense of hope that they will not be in vain.

Another assignment done. I’m not sure how well I did on that one, but here’s to hoping… I have a very busy day ahead of me tomorrow, all at Isilon. I really need to put in some extra hours.