I spoke with two professors yesterday and I was relatively convinced that I was going to transition to academia… but then I came in and talked it over with my boss. After that conversation, I had an epiphany… this situation is very similar to the time I broke up with Eriko, slept on it, and woke up to realize that no - I didn’t want to break up… I just needed to be patient, figure out a way to get through our troubles, and learn to love her - because it was what I wanted.
I guess I was just in the right frame of mind, but somehow I managed to find my way to this paper on perfectionism. It really hit home. I do think of myself as gifted - but in recent times that faith has been shaken. Quite honestly, it has been somewhat of a roller coaster - affected largely by events around me. As I mature physically, emotionally, and spiritually, my quest to understand myself gains more importance.
I woke up at 5 AM to review some design documents in preparation for a 7 AM online discussion. Why? Because I had agreed to do so, and I couldn’t let others down. Is that because I fear for my job or because I have some deeper sense of responsibility. I think it is most likely the former. How can I use this to motivate and drive me to do other things I want?
