after three or four nights in a row of tortuous problem-solving dreams (where i invent and attempt to “solve” a fictitious problem) i slept much better last night. the pressure of my CS class is off and i didn’t drink any alchohol after 8 PM (otherwise, i tend to be very dehydrated). i still had water too late as i was woken up by a compelling need to take a short walk.

i’ve decided that i want to statistically model the keys i type, so i can develop a keyboard which is optimal to my usage patterns. granted, i will have to sample for an extended period of time to avoid influences such as where i’m working or what the latest project is. i thought i was going to have to write a kernel module (i may have to for FreeBSD) but linux has this wonderful module called evdev which gives me trivial access to all input events.

Bound by the ancient ropes of otoko-rashisa (manliness) to the pillar of Bushido (the way of the samurai), men are valued for being kamoku (silent), goken (strong in mind and body), ippongi (uncompromisingly earnest and honest), yukan (courageous) and daitan (bold). Visually, it helps if they’re kinnikushitsu (muscular) and kebukai (hairy) in the right places, like legs and wrists (for some reason, chest hair has always been a downer). Naturally, they’re expected to be messy, to abstain from vigorous washing, to not care about what they eat, and to drink themselves into oblivion without losing their male decorum.

fix all my bugs and make the existing software packages i maintain as good as possible so i have nothing weighing on my mind.

my discomfort is slowing growing. the team i’m on is not valued as highly among other teams in this organization. there is a tendency to poach talent from this group. if i were capable of being poached, i wouldn’t care – but since i’m a lead, i’m essentially ineligible. i’m tormented with envy and jealously as i see myself become less technically proficient relative to my peers – and know that in my current capacity, that trend will only continue.

i rest.