in writing an email to Susie, i finally put into a complete thought what i’ve slowly been figuring out… i have the ability to put really high expectations on people. i’ve seen this several times lately. i had really high expectations that mom wasn’t supposed to express dissatisfaction with dad; i had high expectations of Susie and Brian’s time; and most of all, i always have extremely high expectations of my girlfriends.

i have about 4 or 5 books laying about the house which i’ve started. i have a list of weekly goals, a schedule template, but … i misplaced that motivation! tonight when i’m sitting on the couch i’ll try to remember where i put it.

i am finally starting to admit to myself that i am a lazy bones. i haven’t called Eriko on the phone since January. that’s just one example.

i have to admit that although i told myself that i didn’t want my birthday to be any big thing, i can’t help but notice when people dear to me don’t remember. luckily i’m sure i’ll forget many a thing so i can just keep this as a get out of jail free card. ;P

i think that it is hard to analyze such an extended period of time when most of my senses are so fixated on what immediately surrounds them. with that in mind, my age is just an arbitrary point on the line segment which is my life. i don’t know how far i’ve come; i don’t know how far i’m going. i can only look at where i am to judge the quality of my existence.

i haven’t done much today. slept in until about 10:30; goofed around on the computer for a few hours; went to Coscto; watched the Mariner’s blow another game; took a nap. ;) soon I’ll play poker with some co-workers. i’m a little fearful for my money, these are some smart fellows.